Stories that land

The grandfather who joined our Christmas wrestling match

Jaguars comedian Chiiyan remembers a Christmas game with friends, one unexpectedly fierce grandfather and an even more unexpected way to ease a sore back.

Before the story

Jaguars comedian Chiiyan recalls a cold Christmas in Hokkaido, when he was in his last year of junior high school.

A two-on-two match

My friends and I had nothing to do that Christmas, so we gathered at one friend’s house. Somebody suggested pretend wrestling. We spread futon bedding on the floor and started thumping around.

Then my friend’s grandfather came up from downstairs to see what the noise was. He was about 70. “Let me in,” he said. All at once, we had a two-on-two tag match.

In a game like that, you give someone a little tap and make a big show of it. That was what I thought we were doing, anyway.

Grandpa had a different idea. He came at us with headbutts and chops that actually hurt.

I thought, Come on! I threw a dropkick, and he went flying. My teammate followed with a hard smack to his back using the belt from his own pants.

“Ow!” Grandpa yelled, and ran straight to his room.

In his room, he was cooling his back with a porn magazine he’d hidden under the bed.

Hand-drawn Christmas scene with a green tree, wrapped present and striped stocking against a pink background.

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