Shop and office Japanese in comedy sketches: いらっしゃいませ, ございます, いたします

The polite set phrases that shop clerks, staff and bosses use in comedy sketches, what each one does, how comedians stretch them for laughs, and who you can say them to.

Ukeru notes · counts are from the current library (1,905 routines, 174,812 machine-transcribed lines) and update as it grows

The keigo chapter, out loud

Textbooks usually teach keigo (敬語, polite and honorific language) as a big table: respectful verbs on one side, humble verbs on the other, and a long list of exceptions. It can feel like something nobody really says. Then you watch a comedy sketch set in a convenience store, a restaurant or an office, and the table comes to life. Shop clerks, receptionists, managers and new employees are familiar characters in Japanese sketch comedy, and they talk the way real staff do.

The good news is that you don't need the whole table to follow these scenes. A handful of set phrases carry most of the weight. The counts below come from machine-made transcripts of the 1,905 routines in our library, so read them as rough guides rather than exact figures.

いらっしゃいませ: the shop greeting

いらっしゃいませ is what staff say when a customer walks in: "welcome". It is built on いらっしゃる, the respectful verb for "come", so the clerk is raising the customer up. In our library it appears on 95 lines, from 42 comedians. That count includes a few lines with いらっしゃいませんか, "is there anyone…?", which comes from the same respectful verb but is not the greeting.

Most of the sample lines are the bare greeting on its own. That is exactly how it works in real shops: the word starts the scene and tells the audience "we are in a store now" before anything else happens. Often a practical line follows straight away:

• いらっしゃいませ、何名様ですか？ (Welcome, how many in your party?)
• いらっしゃいませ、こちらへどうぞ。 (Welcome, this way please.)

Comedians also play with the delivery. A market seller's sing-song さあ、いらっしゃいませ！ sounds different from a quiet hotel greeting, and the switch alone can get a laugh. If you want to hear the range, search for いらっしゃいませ.

ございます: polite ある, and the thanks you hear everywhere

ございます is the very polite form of ある ("there is") and, as でございます, of です. It is the most widespread form in this note: 1,451 lines, from 217 of the 283 comedians. But look at where it comes from. A large share of the sample lines are simply ありがとうございます and おめでとうございます, which comedians say all the time, when walking on stage or thanking the audience. So the big number tells you that ありがとうございます is everywhere, not that people talk in でございます all day. For the casual versions of "thanks", see ありがと／あざす.

The sketch use is でございます, the voice of a salesperson, a waiter or an announcer:

• こちらがメニューでございます。 (Here is the menu.)
• お会計、千円でございます。 (That will be one thousand yen.)

This is where the exaggeration comes in. A character announces something completely ordinary, a plain calendar, a glass of water, with the full weight of でございます, as if presenting a luxury item. The joke is the gap between the grand form and the boring object.

いたします: humble する

いたします is the humble form of します: the speaker lowers their own action. It appears on 191 lines, from 72 comedians, roughly 2 to 1 compared with いらっしゃいませ. Two fixed phrases make up much of it:

• よろしくお願いいたします (a polite "I look forward to working with you" / "thank you in advance")
• 失礼いたします ("excuse me", when entering, leaving or interrupting)

Comedians use the first one on stage to introduce themselves, so not every line is a sketch character. The shop lines are the register-and-counter ones. A clerk taking cash says お預かりいたします, "I'll take this (from you)", and a staff member offering something free of charge says サービスいたします (in Japanese, サービス often means "on the house"). You will also hear it next to すいません in lines that apologize and greet in one breath.

申します and おります: introductions and "we are"

申します is the humble form of 言う, used for your name: 田中と申します, "my name is Tanaka". It appears on 115 lines, but the samples show that most of them are comedians introducing their own act at the start of a routine, not sketch characters. Still, a new employee or a store manager introducing themselves would use the same form.

おります is the humble form of いる, often as 〜ております: 営業しております, "we are open". It appears on 219 lines, from 85 comedians. In sketches it fills shop and office lines like お待ちしております, "we look forward to seeing you".

It is also a favorite tool for exaggeration. A character describes something embarrassing or absurd, years of doing nothing, a ridiculous hobby, in perfectly humble business Japanese. Here is a made-up example in that spirit:

• 毎日昼まで寝ております。 (I sleep until noon every day, I humbly report.)

The grammar is flawless. The content is not. That contrast is a reliable laugh.

How sketches stretch the set phrases

Once you know the phrases, you can spot the usual comic moves:

• Overkill: でございます or いたします attached to something trivial, or several polite forms stacked in one line.
• Delivery: いらっしゃいませ shouted, sung, mumbled or stretched out, so the character tells you who they are with one word.
• Polite form, rude content: humble おります or いたします wrapped around a complaint, a confession or nonsense.
• The slip: a character speaking perfect keigo who suddenly drops into blunt casual speech when annoyed. Listen for the moment the ございます disappears and a rough line like 〜だろ！ or うるさい／うるせえ takes over.

For more on the casual side of that contrast, see The textbook Japanese you rarely hear on stage.

Using them yourself

• いらっしゃいませ is for staff only. Say it if you work in a shop or restaurant. As a customer, you don't reply to it; a nod is enough. Don't use it to welcome friends to your home; いらっしゃい, without ませ, is the friendly version.
• ありがとうございます is safe with anyone you aren't close to: shop staff, coworkers, teachers, strangers. でございます is service and announcement language. In everyday conversation です is enough, and でございます will sound stiff or comic.
• よろしくお願いいたします and 失礼いたします are standard at work, in emails and on the phone. With friends, plain よろしく is enough, and with a colleague, 失礼します is usually fine.
• 申します is right for job interviews, business calls and formal introductions. With people your own age in a relaxed setting, just say your name with です.
• おります fits business situations, especially when speaking for your company. In daily polite speech, います is fine.

If you are unsure, plain ます and です are a safe default. The humble forms add distance as well as respect, so overusing them with friends sounds like a sketch character. For apologies and getting attention, see すみません, すいません, ごめん.

Try it

• Search the library for いたします, おります or 申します, and for each line decide: real stage greeting, sketch character, or exaggeration for laughs?
• Take three polite lines you find and say them back in plain ます form, then in casual speech, and notice how the character changes.
• Watch the scenes on すいません and ありがと／あざす, and listen for where the speaker sits between full keigo and casual speech.