Stage forms this act uses in the library, and how often.
One of them insists that seeing 'You already own this' over and over doesn't bother them at all.
Your body's honest, isn't it!
Textbook体は正直ではありませんか。「ではありませんか」 drops to plain 「ではないか」, becomes 「じゃないか」, then clipped to 「じゃん」. Not a negative here: it means 'see, isn't it?', pointing out the obvious.
A performer playing a pirate captain brags about the pirate ship and says a real company sponsors it.
Culture note NYK Line (Nippon Yusen) is one of Japan's biggest shipping companies, the kind of company whose cargo ships pirates attack.
They're the LAST ones who should be funding you, man!
Textbookそこは一番出資してはいけない会社ですよ。'出資してはいけない' shrinks: 'ては' contracts to 'ちゃ' and blunt 'ダメ' replaces 'いけない', giving '出資しちゃダメ'.
At a personal gym, a new trainer introduces themselves to a client named Ryoko and explains why they became a trainer.
Culture note Tokyo's Saikyō Line is famous for groping on crowded morning trains.
Because this guy became a trainer for a seriously sketchy reason!
Textbookこの人は危険な動機でトレーナーを始めていますから。「やばい」 here means 'sketchy, dangerous' (textbook 「危ない／危険な」). Rough 「こいつ」 = 'this guy'; 「始めてる」 drops the 「い」 of 「始めている」.
Someone giving directions keeps saying 'right,' but the other person just keeps repeating 'right?' back.
No, no, no!
Textbookいいえ、違います。Plain '違う' drops the polite '-ます' of '違います'; repeating it three times makes an urgent, emphatic 'No, no, no!'
At a personal gym, a trainer opens with a rude request, and the client pushes back as the trainer tries to explain.
Culture note In Japan, 'good bacteria' and 'bad bacteria' are everyday words, well known from yogurt and health-drink ads.
Shut up about bacteria!
Textbook菌の話はもうやめてください。「うるせえ」 is a rough sound change of 「うるさい」 (「-ai」 → 「-ee」). Bare 「菌」 + 「うるせえよ」 = 'shut up about bacteria', far from polite 「静かにしてください」.
Someone tells a friend about meeting up with a girl named Yuka, while the friend reacts.
She totally hates you!
Textbook彼女はあなたのことがとても嫌いなのですよ。「とても」 becomes Kansai-born slang 「めっちゃ」, and the polite explanatory 「〜のですよ」 becomes casual 「〜じゃん」, pointing out something obvious to the listener ('see, ...!'). The subject 「彼女は／あなたのことが」 is simply left out.
A 33-year-old performer objects to being called "cute" by the other.
And anyway, aren't you the cute one?
Textbookそもそも、あなたのほうがかわいくないですか。Rough "お前" replaces "あなた" for "you"; "かわいくない" also roughens to "かわいくねえ" ("ai" → "ee").
One person says they met 'the most beautiful thing in this world', and the other asks what it is.
Culture note In Japan, shady religious groups are infamous for pressuring people to buy overpriced 'spiritual' pots.
Hey!
Textbookちょっと、すみません。'おい' is a blunt call-out used with equals or juniors; the polite way to grab attention or object is 'すみません' or 'ちょっと'.
After explaining Jump's motto, one performer announces they will act out a hero from a battle manga.
Culture note Weekly Shōnen Jump is a famous manga magazine from the publisher Shueisha, and its motto is 'friendship, effort, victory.'
No way!
Textbook嫌です!「嫌だよ」 → 「やだよ」: 「嫌」 loses its 「い」; 「よ」 makes the refusal blunt and firm.
One performer gets fed up, says nobody acts like the other's character, and tries to end the act by saying "I'm done."
Culture note Manzai duos traditionally end their act when the straight man says もういいわ ("I've had enough"), and both then bow with どうもありがとうございました ("Thank you very much").
Huh?
Textbookえっ、本当ですか。Instead of '本当ですか', a drawn-out, rising 'えぇ?' shows disbelief.