Stage forms this act uses in the library, and how often.
A man admits that when street touts flatter him, he gets excited and wants to follow them.
No, what do they call me?
Textbookいいえ、私は何と呼ばれているのですか。「いや」 is the casual "no" answering 「知ってます？」 ("Do you know?"), then launching the next question; textbook 「いいえ」 sounds stiff between friends.
After a car is damaged, Sato-san tells one person to calm down, says insurance will fix it, and asks them to make up.
You keep saying it only to me, but what about Takeda-san?
Textbook私にばかり言いますが、武田さんはどうなんですか。「ばかり」 picks up an emphatic small っ to become 「ばっかり」 ('only at me'); 「どうなんですか」 is also clipped to casual 「どうなんすか」.
A performer is talking to the people watching and says they just want to do this.
Hold on, look, look!
Textbook少々お待ちください。見てください。Formal 「少々お待ちください」 becomes 「ちょっと待って」: casual 「ちょっと」 replaces 「少々」, and the honorific 「お待ちください」 shrinks to the plain て-form 「待って」, dropping 「お」 and 「ください」.
One performer gives the other a crude new nickname.
Shut up, you.
Textbook静かにしてください。Instead of the polite request 静かにしてください, he just calls the other person 'noisy': うるさい, which in rough speech becomes うるせえ (the '-ai' ending collapses to '-ee', masculine and harsh). 'よ' adds push, and 'お前' ('you') is tacked on after.
One performer says they have a special talent and asks their partner to name it.
What the hell is that?
Textbookそれは何ですか。'それは何ですか' becomes 'なんだそれ': polite 'です' drops to plain 'だ' (何 turns into なん), and 'それ' is tacked on the end.
The performers walk on and greet the audience, then one of them suddenly changes the subject.
No, wait, I mean...
Textbookいえ、というかですね……"というか" softens to "ていうか" ("と" becomes "て"); casual "さ" grabs attention. It cuts off the greeting to switch topics.
An older woman has just warned a man about a trick that is common on dating apps.
Culture note A well-known dating-app scam in Japan lures men into bars that then charge them huge bills.
You look pretty bummed, so — I run a place nearby,
Textbook悔しそうですから、私は近くでお店をやっていますので、「やってる」 is 「やっている」 with the い dropped (「〜ている」→「〜てる」), an ongoing state: 'I run a shop.' 「お店(を)」 also drops 「を」.
Someone's LINE display name had been changed to 'Biggish Old Guy,' and both performers are getting worked up about it.
Culture note LINE is Japan's most widely used messaging app, where every user has a display name.
Exactly, seriously!
Textbookそうですよ、本当に。'本当に' loses its long vowel to become 'ほんとに', and forceful 'だぞ' replaces polite 'ですよ'.
One performer tells the audience that the partner's special talent is pretending to work hard, like fake-adjusting the mic.
This skill? No, no, I don't want it!
Textbookこの特技は嫌です。「嫌だ」 drops 「い」 to become 「やだ」; doubled 「やだやだ」 is a childish, emphatic refusal.
A street singer sells CDs of cover songs, and an old man angrily criticizes this; the singer defends covering songs.
You're a creepy amateur idiot.
Textbookあなたは素人で、気持ちの悪い愚か者です。'バカ' is the blunt everyday word for '愚か者'; the sentence ends on the noun with no 'だ/です'.