Stage forms this act uses in the library, and how often.
One man plans to donate his entire savings of 130,000 yen, while the other tells him to keep it.
No, see, I go to the ATM, take out the money,
Textbookいいえ、私はATMに行って、お金を下ろします。'いいえ' becomes 'いや', a quick pushback that opens a counterpoint; '私は' turns into '俺はね', 'に' and 'を' drop, and the ending '下ろします' becomes the trailing て-form '下ろして' because the sentence keeps going.
One performer is acting strangely cheerful, and the partner starts calling this out.
Don't 'isn't it funny' me!
Textbook「おかしいじゃない」ではないのです。「ではないのです」→「じゃないんだよ」: 「では」 shortens to 「じゃ」, 「の」 to 「ん」, and 「だよ」 replaces 「です」 — a pushy, annoyed correction.
A man who makes and sells cookies in a shop asks Uchimura if people picture the baker while eating.
I can't enjoy them, come on!
Textbook美味しく食べられないでしょう。'でしょう' becomes blunt 'だろ', pushing for agreement; also ら-dropping: '食べられない' → '食べれない'.
One performer insists that being short doesn't bother them at all.
you're all, like, 'I have nothing to say about it.'
Textbook「僕は何とも言いませんよ」というような態度ですね。After a quote, casual 「みたいな」 stands in for 「というような」 ('like…'), and the sentence just trails off with no noun or 「です」 after it.
One performer doesn't want to run a cookie shop, but the partner keeps pitching one called 'Uncle Uchima's Homemade Cookies.'
An uncle's not supposed to do stuff like this!
Textbookこういうことは、おじさんがやってはいけないのです。「やってはいけない」→「やっちゃいけない」: 「ては」 contracts to 「ちゃ」; with 「んだよ」 it's a blunt 'that's just not done'. Line 9 uses 「ちゃダメ」.
One performer bluntly tells the other that their problems are their own fault and that they need to open up.
Culture note In Japanese, 'closing the shutter of your heart' is a common way to say someone shuts other people out.
It's not?
Textbook違うんですか。The polite question 「違うんですか」 becomes the casual 「違うの」: 「んですか」 contracts to 「の」 and the rising intonation carries the question (plain 違う is the casual form of 違います).
One performer insists this won't make them cry, because they have put a 'lid' on all their feelings.
So you mean you haven't cried in ages?
Textbookでは、ずっと泣いていないということですか。'では' contracts to 'じゃあ' ('so, then'), drawing a conclusion from what was just said; 'ってこと?' is casual 'ということですか'.
One partner is lecturing the other at length on how a pun involving 'pants' should properly be made.
Culture note 'Hakichigaeru' (noun: 'hakichigai') literally means putting on the wrong footwear or clothes, and figuratively means to misunderstand. Since 'haku' is also the verb for wearing pants, it makes a natural pants pun.
Enough already, you're so annoying with the pants stuff.
Textbookパンツの話はもう結構です。静かにしてください。Polite 「もう結構です」 becomes plain 「もういい」, and emphatic 「わ」 makes it a flat, fed-up 'Enough!'
Someone learns their friend's entire savings are 130,000 yen and tells the friend to keep it safe, but the friend refuses.
You keep it put away, that 130,000.
Textbookその13万円は、しまっておいてください。「しまっておく」 contracts 「ておく」 to 「とく」: 「しまっとく」. 「んだよ」 makes it a firm instruction; 「その13万は」 is moved to the end.
Someone wants to grow hair on their heart and now plans to put hair-growth formula directly on it.
Culture note In Japanese, having hair on your heart (心臓に毛が生えている) means being very bold or shameless.
There's no way you can apply it!
Textbook塗りようがないでしょう。In '塗りようがない' (there's no way to apply it), 'ない' roughens to 'ねえ' (ai → ee), a casual, masculine 'no way.'
One performer has been going without underwear on stage, and can only wear it again once their act bombs.
So we're gonna do a deliberately lame routine right now, just to get me into underwear?
Textbookそれでは、私にパンツをはかせるために、今からわざとつまらない漫才をするということですか。Casual speech turns the 'ら' before 'ない' into 'ん': 'つまらない' → 'つまんない', just like 'わからない' → 'わかんない'.
One performer keeps grinning and saying things are funny, and edges closer to the annoyed partner.
Don't come any closer, you.
Textbookあなた、近づいてこないでください。Rough 「お前」 replaces 「あなた」, tacked on at the end for irritated emphasis. Used toward equals or people treated as inferiors.
One guy agrees to do a special favor, and the other thanks him with a lazy, clipped word like "thx."
Culture note あざす is a very casual, clipped slang form of ありがとうございます (thank you).
Is that seriously a thank-you?
Textbookそれは本当にお礼ですか。'本当に' (hontō ni) loses its long vowel to become 'ほんとに'; tacked on at the end, it adds a doubtful 'seriously?'
Two people argue about how fast termites can eat, and one says the other is underestimating termites.
It's not that I'm underestimating them, but...
Textbook見くびっているわけではありませんが。"舐めてるわけじゃない" = "it's not that I'm looking down on them"; "わけじゃない" denies the other person's assumption.