Stage forms this act uses in the library, and how often.
A performer politely tells the audience a strange story about an electric kettle that seemed to be staring at them.
and I ended up making excuses like, 'This isn't my fault. No, you've got it wrong!'
Textbook「これは私のせいではありません。いいえ、違うのです」と言い訳をしてしまったのです。'いいえ' → 'いや': the casual 'no' that launches a flustered denial, followed straight away by '違うんだよ'.
Someone confronts a partner who has turned bright red and won't cool down.
is that why you're mad?
Textbook怒っているんですか。'怒っているの？' drops the 'い' and turns 'る' before 'の' into 'ん': '怒ってんの？', a casual 'Are you mad?'
The performer is sulkily complaining about being ditched whenever 'that other one' becomes more comfortable to sleep on.
some heating appliance, isn't it?
Textbookそれでは、私はまるで暖房器具のようではありませんか。'のようではありませんか' → 'みたいじゃない': 'では' contracts to 'じゃ', plain 'ない' works as 'isn't it?', and 'のよう' becomes casual 'みたい'.
Someone finds a jumbo cup of instant noodles and starts lecturing an older man about his food, calling him 'old man.'
Culture note Gotsumori is a cheap, extra-large brand of cup noodles sold in Japanese convenience stores.
That's the same thing, isn't it?!
Textbookこれは同じことでしょう。The plain form of 「でしょう」 is 「だろう」, clipped to 「だろ」; shouted, it pushes the listener to admit the obvious. The particle 「は」 is dropped, and 「同じ」 becomes the casual 「一緒」 (meaning 'the same' here, not 'together').
Complaining that chirashi sushi always gets served, the comedian describes its pink topping but can't recall its name.
Culture note Denbu is sweet, pink, flaked fish often sprinkled on chirashi sushi for color.
just plopped on, plop plop plop... ugh, what's it called again, that...
Textbookぽんぽんと置かれていて……ええと、あれは何と言うのでしたか。Polite "〜のでしたか" relaxes to plain "〜んだっけ": "何と" becomes "何て", "の" contracts to "ん", and "だったか" contracts to "だっけ"; "っけ" marks trying to recall something you once knew.
After a quibble about denbu on Children's Day falls flat, the comedian suddenly takes another voice and talks back at the complainer.
You've done nothing but complain this whole time,
Textbookあなたはさっきから、文句ばかり言っていますね。"ばかり" gains a small "っ" for emphasis ("ばっかり"), then drops "り" to "ばっか". "あなた" also becomes blunt "あんた".
A speaker happily thanks 'Bunny-san', the only person who ever praises them.
Oh, sorry.
Textbookあっ、すみません。In quick speech the "み" in "すみません" weakens to "い", giving "すいません". Here it's a light, on-the-spot apology.
The comedian is complaining about May holiday traditions, starting with the May dolls and their big faces.
Culture note May dolls (gogatsu ningyō) are warrior dolls displayed for Children's Day on May 5.
Like, I just feel it, plain and simple... I mean, I just hate them.
Textbook単純にそう感じるというか、嫌いなのですが。In "というか", "という" contracts to "って", giving "ってか": "感じる、ってか嫌い" corrects "feel" to the blunter "hate".
A performer looks back on doing sketches over and over with a partner named Hiro.
for the first minute, we'd set it up like it's a doctor,
Textbook最初の1分間は医者として振っておいて、実はただの一般人だったというコントでした。「振っておいて」 → 「振っといて」: 「ておく」 ('do ahead') contracts to 「とく」, so 「ておいて」 becomes 「といて」, setting up the premise first.
One performer begins sharing their personal view on violence and how much force is acceptable.
I'd kind of pushed a button of hers that should never be pushed.
Textbook何か、彼女の押してはいけないスイッチを押していたらしいです。"なんか" is casual "何か" ("something"), used as a vague filler like "kind of"; "らしくて" also loosens to "らしくって".
Someone confesses a secret about their looks to the person they are with.
Culture note South Korea is widely known in Japan as a top destination for cosmetic surgery.
Oh, you can't believe it, huh?
Textbookそうですか、信じられませんか。「信じられない」 (can't believe): 「れ」 squeezes to 「ん」 → 「信じらんない」, casual speech.
A comedian passes on news from a phone call with their family.
She said it was delicious.
Textbookおいしかったと言っていました。Quotative "と" becomes casual "って"; "言っていました" drops "い" to "言ってました". Still polite overall.